Let me tell you a story of Debbie and how a 4-minute interaction changed my life. Debbie runs a small holistic store in a flea market in Calgary, Alberta Canada, selling healing crystals, jewelry and other holistic items. Kyrie, a friend, and I went to visit our college friend, Amanda, in Canada on Spring Break. Best decision ever. This went on the list of the most fun weekends of my life! (I couldn't tell you who the photo cred was for all the photos. Most likely, my selfie stick). Well, one morning we ended up in this flea market. I don’t know what drew us there, but we ended up in this little store with healing stones, and incense, and jewelry. Amanda wanted to buy a healing stone and Kyrie found a ring she loved. Amanda approached the counter, where we first meet Debbie. Debbie asks Amanda if this stone bracelet was for her, in which Amanda replied, “Yes.” Debbie asked if she could pray over it. Amanda agreed and before we knew it Debbie was giving Amanda a reading, a psychic reading. Debbie was warning Amanda about potential car problems; that she needed to be careful in the coming weeks about her little blue car, which her parents had just bought. Okay. Interesting. Amanda promised she would be mindful of the car. This “reading” was all to our surprise. We had no idea that we would be “blessed” and read as we checked out our purchases. Amanda walked away a little stunned. Kyrie approached the counter and was asked the same question. Debbie blessed the ring and proceeded to say that Kyrie had just gotten out of a relationship (which she had) and her heart was in a good place (which Kyrie felt like she didn’t have any resentment or bitterness towards the guy). Debbie also said that if she meets a tall blonde man, that she needs to pay attention to him. Okayyyyyyyy Debbie. We are listening now! You tell one of us about our future including a boy, we are totes going to listen. We walked away in shock. What just happened? Are these things going to come true? How did she know all of this?? Just to preface, we were not taking everything she said as pure truth. It was fun to lean into her unsolicited, genuine advice. More of an experience than anything. And maybe there was something we could learn from her. Well, I didn’t want to go away empty-handed, I wanted a reading. So, long story short, I went back a third time to get my reading. I bought a bracelet that I have never worn, but the 10 Canadian dollars I spent on it was TOTALLY worth it. She first told me that I was emitting a red aura which meant I was harboring a lot of resentment and bitterness that I needed to let go of. She mentioned a way to get rid of that was to ground myself. Think about what it meant to ground myself and find ways to do it. She suggested a few healing stones and books to read to help me with that. In our parting conversation, she said me and my two friends had great energy. YES. We worked hard on that. ;) As I walked away, I couldn’t think of anyone that I felt bitterness towards. I wasn’t mad at anyone. All my relationships at that point in my life were looking pretty good. No hard feelings. Maybe Debbie wasn’t spot on with me (or any of my friends, for that matter). After a few minutes, it dawned on me. I was bitter. I was SO bitter. I was holding onto grudges of past boyfriends and the fiancé for breaking up with me. I blamed them for the current emotional state I was in (which was repairing, but not so great). I blamed them for everything that was wrong in my life. So maybe Debbie was right. Grounded. What did that mean to me? I am completely a visual learner so sometimes when trying to figure something out, pictures come to my mind. The image of myself popped up: feet being firmly planted in the ground, back straight, shoulders back, chin up. I was emitting confidence. As I have pondered that image more and more since that day, I desired to become that woman. I wanted to be confident in myself and in JUST myself. But how would I get to that point? I always thought that I needed to have a man in my life to be complete, to be completely happy, for people to look at me with respect, for myself to be worth anything. But that wasn’t true, was it? I had a tendency to ALWAYS be looking for someone to date. Which has ended up in a series of short-lived relationships. Nothing was ever super committed because I would jump head first into a relationship without much thought beforehand. Which meant, that I didn’t know if I was really interested in that person completely. The epitome of flightiness. Which led to holding grudges, feeling bitter to the men that had come into my life and left, or I chose to leave. (Yeah! You read that right. I would get bitter towards guys who I decided to leave. Backwards, right?!). I was insecure about being single. Ding, ding, ding!! I found the right answer here, people! I would become dependent on a man, and when it ended I would crash emotionally. This hindered my growth as a person. I needed to change. Later that day, I found a book about meditation. I thought, “Hey. This will probably help in my grounding.” So I bought it. Mind you, I haven’t finished an entire book since my sophomore year in college. Reading just isn’t that pleasurable to me anymore. But I bought a book with an intention to read it. Hopefully, it can help me change. This began my grounding experiment called “Alex’s Dating Sabbatical”. I had to change my mindset. I was angry about being single. I wasn’t able to accept the way my life was. I didn’t want to be that anymore. I needed to take a break from dating, or at least the pursuing of men. So, I created a set of rules/things I wanted to change.
This brought me a sense of peace about my Single-dom. This was hard for me to do. I hadn’t realized how much a priority dating was to me than when I tried to stop. (You know, like an addiction… Eek!) It was a process; every day was different. I had to keep in mind that I couldn’t be perfect at all these goals all at once. There were baby steps to take that would eventually lead me to the person I want to be. Every day I made a conscious decision to change. Consistency is hard for human beings, but once it is developed you can feel the change. Through meditation, yoga, praying, changing my priorities, sharing my problems and connecting with others, learning to accept Heavenly Father’s will and acting on faith, I found that peace. And what was that peace, you ask? Well here it is: I know that I am a Daughter of God. My Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I am a woman with many talents, endowed by my Father, that I can offer to a variety of different people. I need to use those talents in order to serve others because that is what my Heavenly Father wants of me. I love him, so I will be obedient. I am more focused on the positive aspects of myself. In the mediation book, I bought that day in Canada, “You Are Here” by Thich Naht Hanh, we are taught to accept the negative thoughts we have by not being violent to them. Let them come into your mind, acknowledge them, and push them out of your mind. Thoughts should be recognized that they are there, acknowledged that they may be what I am feeling, but understood that they need to be let go if toxic. Recognize, acknowledge and let go. The article “To My Friends Going Through a Quarter-Life Crisis”, uses the phrase “Self-Compassion” to explain this idea. The article teaches it much better than I could. “Over the past year I’ve become more conscious of the way I talk to myself and tried to counter my self-critical thoughts with cutting myself some slack and telling myself that no matter what I do or don’t do, I am worthy of love and belonging. God loves me not for my accomplishments but because I am His, and I can love myself because I am a child of God with infinite worth, even though I don’t have everything figured out…” …or that I don’t have a man in my life. ….or that I am not the type of person I want to be. …or that someone has hurt me and I feel bitter towards them. Try it. It works. This compassionate self-talk was the key to accepting who I was and where I was at that point in my life. Finally, I began to understand what faith was in a more holistic sense (No, not Debbie holistic… relating to or concerned with complete systems rather than with individual parts). Every day is a test of faith. Every thought and action is a test of faith. I began to ask myself questions like, “Am I going to believe in this negative thought about myself? Am I going to let myself be dominated by perceptions and unnecessary stereotypes? How am I going to show God today that I trust in His plan for me?” Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect at this yet. But these questions helped to change my mindset. They helped to ground me into the confident woman that I imagined. I have changed my priorities in life. Yes, finding an eternal companion is important, and one of my goals, but it isn’t my first goal in life. Before my sabbatical, it was my first priority. I don’t have control over that, but I do have control on what type of person I am. You may be asking yourself right now why I called this “My Dating Not-So Sabbatical”. Here is why. When I wasn’t looking for a man, someone came into my life. He was a very kind, sweet, humble guy. We spent time together. He treated me like royalty. He got along with my family, made me laugh and helped me forget my insecurities. I also credit him for this change in myself. I know it seems backwards, to have a romantic interest during a “dating sabbatical”. But his presence in my life enabled me to be better. Even though we aren’t together anymore, he was imperative to my life journey. People come into your life when you need them the most. Whether or not, Debbie had the ability to “read” me, her advice helped me to change. It helped me recognize what I was lacking in my life. That day, that interaction was definitely a tender mercy. Listen carefully because, at any point, you don’t know if a 4-minute interaction with someone can change your life for the better. For the full article of the quote, go here: www.lds.org/blog/to-my-friends-going-through-a-quarter-life-crisis?lang=eng#prclt-ICd2ts50
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This is Gabby. Gabriella Jane. My first niece.
I love her to pieces. From the moment I met her, I loved her.
Gabby has a birth defect called OEIS Complex. To put it in laymen’s terms all of Gabby’s organs below her chest have grown on the outside of her body, she has a large Spinal Bifida sack where her right leg should be, and urinary track is all messed up. Follow her GoFundMe link below to learn more about the specifics of her condition.
https://www.gofundme.com/2gbxhck
Gabby is at Primary Children’s Hospital and my sister-in-law Jen is living at the Ronald McDonald House, 4ish hours from home. Gabby has too many complications to be able to go home. Every day is different, some days where she is making progress and some days where she takes a couple of steps back. It is going to be a long journey of surgeries that we won’t know when it will end.
I had a lot of thoughts floating in my head the first two weeks after she was born. I wanted say them all to her right then, but of course the newborn can’t understand English. Sooo, I decided to write it down so that someday she can read it and learn from my experiences. This is a letter tailored to my niece, but it is something that I would want all little girls to be taught. Gabby, I love you. I knew when I met you, I loved you. When your parents told us you were coming (even though I thought you were a boy…) I loved you. I can’t wait to see you grow up and what kind of personality you will develop; how are we going to interact and play and have fun. I can’t wait for those days. You have so many people who love you. Always remember that. Can I tell you the story of your birth, from where I was? I was teaching at BYU-Idaho at the time. I had literally just finished my very last thing of the semester at 10pm on a Wednesday night. That’s when I got the text. “Gabby is coming. Jarek is going to Utah right now.” I called your Grandpa. “Does he need me to go with him?” The answer was affirmative. And within 20 minutes, I was packed and headed down to Utah with your dad. You had the most perfect timing for me, and no one else. (So thank you for that!) It was a long drive. We weren’t sure we you were going to make it. But you did. I was one of the first family members to see you, baby. You were so tiny, so adorable, and even had little curls on what hair you did have. We knew what kind of condition you were to have. We were prepared but it still didn’t make it easy. It was 3 am when we were talking to one of the doctors. Tears welled up in my eyes because you had to fight to live. And you were fighting. It was so hard, every time I would have to leave you. I have gotten to see you several times recently. And I got to hold you. I loved every second of those two hours. You just slept and squirmed in my arms. All the nurses came up and would say how beautiful you were. They made sure we knew they meant it. “She is an ACTUALLY cute baby,” they would say. I have started this letter a few times where I wanted to tell you EVERYTHING I have learned in my 26 years. Teach you all the lessons from my teen years, all the heartbreak and happy times of my twenties. But I can’t teach you everything in just one letter. These years of growing pains were pivotal to my growth and development as a woman, and they will be for you too. So I have narrowed it down to two thoughts that I want you to learn young. For most of my twenties I was plagued by the thought that I always thought I needed a man to make me happy, to make me feel complete. But I’ve learned that is far, far from the truth. You are an individual. You have talents and gifts and abilities that no one else has. You have such a unique life experience, already, that is going to make you a strong fighter. You do not need anyone to complete you. You are whole and complete on your own. Now Gabby, I’m not saying that you don’t need anybody in your life. You need friends, you need loved ones, you need to learn to love others. But your worth is not dependent on whether or not you are dating someone or if you are married. Marriage is a great goal to have, don’t get me wrong. It is still one of my priorities. You should strive for marriage. But that is not the end goal. Marriage will enable you to be better in different ways than being single can, but marriage does not make you any better or less. Find what you love to do in life. Find ways to serve, have an amazing career, but don’t bank on the fact that you will one day get married. Don’t half-heartedly pursue your dreams because you are waiting for a husband to come a sweep you off your feet. I’m not saying this because of your disabilities. I would say the same thing to every girl. The Church and people in your life will make you feel like you need a husband to be “successful”, but is that what defines “success” to you? Make your own definition and stick to it! You will be so much more of an interesting person that way, that people will naturally be drawn to you (people are already naturally drawn to you; you should see what how the doctors and nurses react to you while you are sleeping. Everyone already loves you!). Secondly, you are enough. Never let anyone ever tell you that you are less than enough. Don’t let any boy ever make you feel inferior. If one boy doesn’t like you, that is okay. It doesn’t mean you are unlovable. It means that this boy is looking for something different. Different is fine. Don’t look for ways to build your self-esteem horizontally from those around you. Look vertically for your self-worth is from your Heavenly Father. That is where true happiness and self-compassion lies. We are made to be different. Accept your difference and learn to love the unique qualities that Heavenly Father gave you. Like I said, you have talents and abilities and life experiences that no one else has had. You can help and support and teach people around you. You have so much capacity for good. Know that your good is enough. If you ever feel like you aren’t enough, let the Atonement work through you. Pray to your Heavenly Father and ask that the Savior fill that gap. He will fill it. Every time. You work hard. You treat people nicely. You follow the Spirit. With that, you are enough. One last thing. I need to tell you what amazing parents you have. Through your diagnosis, birth and what little treatment you have had since your birth, your parents are the epitome of faith. They do not complain. They sacrifice for you. They restlessly sit by your bedside and hold your hand. They would give up everything for you. They are planning their life around you. You are very blessed. They are huge examples to me. Please remember that. Gabby, you have so much support around you. Please never feel alone. We don’t know how it feels to go through what you have, but we have been here throughout the entire journey with you. Let us love you, let us help you. Love you baby girl, (Your Favorite Aunt) Alex
This post is not necessarily along the lines of looking as focusing on single vs married perspectives, but something that I have learned (I could have added “While being single” to the end of that sentence, but that would have been superfluous because I have always been single) (See? Mindsets are changing!).
Expectations are the belief that something, whether good or bad, is going to happen. We expect that our day is going to go the way we plan. We expect there to be the food in the fridge that we left there the night before. We expect those that we call friends will act and react in a certain way. It is easier to expect something when you feel you have control over it. Like inanimate objects, for example. I expect that the apple I placed on the shelf will be there tomorrow when I want to eat it. Apples do not have legs of their own just to walk off somewhere; You understand the parameters that apples can live in. But when it comes to people and relationships, that is a-whole-nother issue. People have agency. People can choose to react in ways that they feel is appropriate for themselves. We, maybe, expect a person to react in a way that we think they will react. But that is not always the case. People will always be unpredictable, no matter how much we know a person. Remember how I talked about how my 25th year was one for the books? Well, I’m going to delve into that year a little bit here. I started seeing this guy a couple of weeks after I had moved back to Rexburg from Cincinnati. I first saw this guy giving a talk at church, when I had the thought, “You are going to marry him.” I know this is cliché, but it really did happen to me. I didn’t believe it at first. And I was just being a silly girl, making up silly stories in in my head about an attractive guy. He was referred to as the “most eligible bachelor in all of Rexburg’”; there would be no way he would be interested in me. But a short time later, we started dating. I never felt so good about a person I was dating before. I felt the most spiritual when I was around him; he made me want to be better in so many aspects of my life. I knew at that time, that this was going to be it. He was who I was going to marry. I also had a couple of spiritual experiences that solidified those feelings. Well, as you can probably tell, we didn’t get married. We didn’t even end up dating that long. Although, I had very, very, very high expectations of that relationship. I expected us to get married. I expected us to grow closer together spiritually and emotionally. I knew this was supposed to work out. But it didn’t. When he broke things off, I came crashing down. So far down that I ended up in a therapist’s office with a case of depression, a couple of months after the break up. How did this happen? I KNEW we were supposed to get married! I knew that we were put in each other’s life for a reason. He was everything that I knew I wanted in a man. I didn’t understand how my spiritual promptings were not matching what was actually happening (I know some of you might be thinking “Oh you just got your infatuation in the way of the Spirit." Part of that may be true, but I had a lot of confirmations that this was going in the direction of marriage). I realized that I put too many expectations in this person and, as we know, are people are unpredictable. January 1, 2016 I had come to a head. I needed some advice, I needed to see how others dealt with this. I wrote this and posted on Facebook so see if I could get some feedback from my friends. I am constantly hounding my students to be vulnerable, so this is me. Being vulnerable. The start of a new year is so full of optimistic potential. At the beginning of 2015, I wanted it to be better than 2014. “This was going to be my year!” I told myself. I was going to accomplish every goal I set, I was going to kill it at every obstacle that came my way, I was going to be unstoppable. Well, that is not how things worked out. 2015 was not “my year”. I didn’t accomplish every goal, I probably only mediocrely rolled over my obstacles, and I was stopped dead in my tracks, several times. And it hurt, a lot. Don’t get me wrong, this year has been filled with so many wonderful moments and honestly, miracles. In reality, too many to list. I learned so much, was loved a lot, and was taught a lot. I am grateful for those moments. But what made the year hurt were expectations I had set. I expected certain things to happen; certain things to go the way I wanted. But that was not the case. No matter how much I want to believe that I could control my life and that I could fulfill all the expectations I had, I don’t have all the control. Other’s agency, and unforeseen consequences are just a few things that take away some of that control. The biggest reason I did not possess all the control was because my Heavenly Father was in control. He understands the plan for me. He is leading me and guiding me. And when I try to force my will over His will, it usually ends badly. I have hope in the trust I put in Him that everything will work out well in His timing. So here I am; stuck rumbling between deepening my trust in my Heavenly Father, learning how and where to set my expectations and letting go of the past. Everyone has their struggles and right now, these are mine. I’m posting this because I need new perspectives. How do you have trust? How do you let go of the past? What are expectations to you? What am I missing? Here’s to 2016. A year of new discoveries, healing and changing. I hope that it will be better, but right now I can’t guarantee that to myself. Although, what I can do is “plant the seed” of faith is in this advice from Elder McConkie: “…So I start where I am, and I go forward from there. I start using such talents as I have, and I begin to apply principles of eternal truth to my life. And I consult and counsel with the Lord in the process. And no matter where I am, the gospel takes me forward and onward and upward, and blessings flow to me that will ennoble and sanctify and improve me in this life and, eventually, give me glory, honor and dignity in the life to come.” See the below link for quote.
http://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/new-years-look-not-behind-thee?cid=HP_MO_12-28-2015_dPFD_fMRMN_xLIDyL1-A_
2016 has been full of new discoveries, healing and changing. It has been a long, but successful eight months where I have learned, to a point, where to put my expectations in others. Just because I have promptings of something going a certain way, I know now, that a person can choose another way. That doesn’t make them a bad person. It doesn’t make them unrighteous. It makes them human and exercising their agency. This refers back to Elder Oaks “Good, Better, Best” talk. I might have been good for this man, but not the best. Maybe that was what the Spirit was telling me. Finding the faith and trust in your Heavenly Father to combine your will with his, and to actually act on it, is an amazing feat. That is where the “natural man” begins to fade and an eternal character is developed. Involving someone else’s will with your own and the Lord’s will is the real miracle. In essence, marriage is a miracle! Getting two people to come to the same conclusion and getting the approval of the Supreme Creator is, I am finding, hard to do. This is one of the main reasons why we come to this earth, to gain the trust in His eternal perspective. A talk that was very helpful in this situation is Elder Bednar “That We Might Not…Shrink”. ![]()
One of the most poignant comments that was made on that Facebook post was from my grad school adviser. She talked about how having kids was the best lesson in setting, or consequently enough, not setting expectations. A parent never knows how a child is going to react, if the nap was long enough that the child isn’t grumpy, if they are feeling cooperative today, etc. (I’m not a parent, but I get it). I started to look at friends and relationships that way. I care for this person, but the person is going to do what they want. A person might be grumpy. A person might have different priorities in their life. A person has their own set of expectations. So, all in all, the old saying “hope for the best, expect the worst” has kind of become my motto.
This does sound a little sad way to live life. I am more of an optimistic than anything and I love being an optimist! But a part of our growing pains is learning when to be a realist. Sometimes that hurts to let go of the happy, sunshine world that I want to live in. But it hurts more when you get disappointed. That’s where the problem lies in expectations: disappointment. If I can manage expectations, I can manage the pain from disappointment. There was a lot of thinking and pondering which lead to acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that things are not in my control but in the control of my Heavenly Father.
“Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of everlasting life.
Wherefore my beloved brethren, reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved. Wherefore, may God raise you from death by the power of the resurrection and also from everlasting death by the power of the atonement, that ye may be received into the eternal kingdom of God, that ye may praise him through grace divine.” 2 Nephi 10:23-25
People are always going to disappoint. But God won’t. His promises are perfect. That is where my full trust can reside. That is my foundation.
Now I’m not saying that I have created a ton of trust issues for myself. I still trust people; my tendency is to trust until proven untrustworthy. I feel that is a healthy place to be in. Although, I do make sure that I always have “Hope for the best, expect the worst” mindset. I am mindful that things can work out as I hope, but now I am more prepared to handle the disappointment. I am sure everyone has gone through this growing pain in one way or another. This was my way. I have come to the conclusion that I will have the faith to get married, or not get married. Because my trust lies in my Heavenly Father and that his promises will be kept. ![]() Like any good Sacrament Meeting Talk, let’s start by referring to my good friends Merriam and Webster to start to break down this ‘single’ ideal. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/single) Definition Numero Uno: 1a: not married EVEN THE DICTIONARY IS OUT TO REMIND US. Definition Numero Dos: 2: unaccompanied by others: lone, sole Okay, this makes sense. Definition Numero Tres: 3. being a separate whole. Individual. Now that’s more like it. Let me explain... Definition Numero Uno: 1a: not married. First off, obviously, when a person isn’t married they are called single. That’s normal even for those not practicing in the church. Although, I thought that was interesting because that isn’t the first definition I think of when I look at the work single. Whenever a friend starts talking about another person, one of their first descriptions is to point out whether they are married or single. I even asked that question, if it isn’t implied in the first little bit. It is not asking the question that gets me. That question is valid because those that are single and those that are married live life in different ways. I thought it might be helpful to list out some of the general differences: Like I said, asking the question isn’t the hard thing for me to handle because it helps me to understand what kind of life they lead and how I can interact with them (especially if they are the opposite gender). The thing that frustrates me and makes me feel alienated is how people react to the answer of the question. The mindset that is given when someone has found their eternal companion (EC) was “Oh! Great Job! You are doing it right!”. As opposed to those that haven’t found their EC is “Oh, well one day they will. There are lots of fish in the sea!” As an example of this biased, one of my amazing, talented and successful roommates sat in the hallway after church with two friends. Yes, the three of them are ‘single’, although one was recently engaged (for which I am SO very happy because they are some of the most fun people I know and they are some of the best friends anyone can come by). The Stake President of the YSA Stake walked by and started talking with the three sitting there. The Stake President was emphatic over the fact that our one friend had recently got engaged, which was very kind of him. But he didn’t ask my roommate anything about her life, like the fact that she recently got her Realtor License and was starting a new career path. Or did he ask the third friend anything about his life. It made the two who weren’t engaged feel alienated and not as valued. The Stake President just ranted and raved over the engagement. Don’t get me wrong, our Stake President is an amazing man. Some of the talks he has given have touched my soul and changed me for the better. And I get it; it is a huge goal of the Stake President of a YSA Stake for their members to get married. But why is that the only thing we get excited about? My roommate has a lot of cool and exciting things in her life, but was completely overlooked because the Stake President was gawking over an engagement. So, all in all, Merriam-Webster were correct. Single does mean not being married, which is not the problem. The problem is how we view those that are single and those that are married. Being married does not make one person better than another. It only makes them different. Definition Numero Dos 2: unaccompanied by others : lone, sole Those that are single are mainly unaccompanied. I don’t have to check in with anyone about my daily decisions. I don’t have someone to expect me to come home at night. I don’t have anyone accompany me to family gatherings. If I do bring someone, casually, it becomes a big deal. Which is fine, but maybe sometimes not the desired outcome. But the real thought, is that I make all the decisions. I never consult anyone in what I am going to do. I have the freedom to do what I want. I have a (single) friend who always teases me with “I’m an adult; I do what I want.” This is so true. But our married friends have the opportunity to consult someone else in their decisions. Which is neither good nor bad. Just different. And sometimes I long for that companion with whom I can that can be my sounding board, share the minute details of my day to and he will listen because he cares. This is why we want marriage, or a relationship. To have your person. And to be someone’s person. I am a sole, lone person. This doesn’t mean I’m lonely (most of the time). This just means that I make decisions on my own. This just means that I come home to myself at night. And this just means I get to enjoy my family even more at social gatherings. Definition Numero Tres: 3. being a separate whole. Individual. This. This is what I believe in. Finally, in my 26 years have I am at peace with being single and here’s why. A couple of months ago I didn’t believe that I was whole. I didn’t believe that I was complete on my own. I was always looking for someone to make me complete. But that doesn’t come from someone else here on earth, but it comes from me and the enabling power of the Atonement. I reached out to my Savior for his help. I needed to change. I needed to heal. And he was the only way I could. Because I prayed, I actively changed my perception of myself and others in my situation. I change my perspective of those who have been married. We are all the same. We are all incomplete without the Atonement of Christ. No human is going to make me complete. Soooooo, how does this relate to the third definition of single? I am a woman who has a Master’s degree. I am a woman who can hold an interesting conversation. I am a woman who pays her own bills, found her own health insurance, figures out what to do when her car breaks down, makes decisions for the betterment of her own life. I set goals and accomplish them. I get jobs. I vote. I do all the same things that those that are married do, but I do them by myself (or a few friends here and there). I am a functioning, capable adult. So how does me not being married make me any less of a person? It doesn’t. I am whole and complete person, on my own. This life is a journey. Right now I am on the single journey. Someday I will be on the marriage journey. Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand the importance of marriage. I believe that marriage is the most effective way to become Christ-like. I believe that marriage can fulfill the Plan of Salvation by bringing children into this world. I believe that a spouse will help me on this journey, and I will help him too, but it is between me and my Savior that I will become whole. All in all, I am completing myself. I am becoming whole. Even though I am 1. Not Married, and 2. Lone, sole. But I am 3. individual. Being single as opposed to married is not bad, it is just different. |
single.The Ability to Be Whole and Complete on My Own Archives
April 2017
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