This is Gabby. Gabriella Jane. My first niece.
I love her to pieces. From the moment I met her, I loved her.
Gabby has a birth defect called OEIS Complex. To put it in laymen’s terms all of Gabby’s organs below her chest have grown on the outside of her body, she has a large Spinal Bifida sack where her right leg should be, and urinary track is all messed up. Follow her GoFundMe link below to learn more about the specifics of her condition.
https://www.gofundme.com/2gbxhck
Gabby is at Primary Children’s Hospital and my sister-in-law Jen is living at the Ronald McDonald House, 4ish hours from home. Gabby has too many complications to be able to go home. Every day is different, some days where she is making progress and some days where she takes a couple of steps back. It is going to be a long journey of surgeries that we won’t know when it will end.
I had a lot of thoughts floating in my head the first two weeks after she was born. I wanted say them all to her right then, but of course the newborn can’t understand English. Sooo, I decided to write it down so that someday she can read it and learn from my experiences. This is a letter tailored to my niece, but it is something that I would want all little girls to be taught. Gabby, I love you. I knew when I met you, I loved you. When your parents told us you were coming (even though I thought you were a boy…) I loved you. I can’t wait to see you grow up and what kind of personality you will develop; how are we going to interact and play and have fun. I can’t wait for those days. You have so many people who love you. Always remember that. Can I tell you the story of your birth, from where I was? I was teaching at BYU-Idaho at the time. I had literally just finished my very last thing of the semester at 10pm on a Wednesday night. That’s when I got the text. “Gabby is coming. Jarek is going to Utah right now.” I called your Grandpa. “Does he need me to go with him?” The answer was affirmative. And within 20 minutes, I was packed and headed down to Utah with your dad. You had the most perfect timing for me, and no one else. (So thank you for that!) It was a long drive. We weren’t sure we you were going to make it. But you did. I was one of the first family members to see you, baby. You were so tiny, so adorable, and even had little curls on what hair you did have. We knew what kind of condition you were to have. We were prepared but it still didn’t make it easy. It was 3 am when we were talking to one of the doctors. Tears welled up in my eyes because you had to fight to live. And you were fighting. It was so hard, every time I would have to leave you. I have gotten to see you several times recently. And I got to hold you. I loved every second of those two hours. You just slept and squirmed in my arms. All the nurses came up and would say how beautiful you were. They made sure we knew they meant it. “She is an ACTUALLY cute baby,” they would say. I have started this letter a few times where I wanted to tell you EVERYTHING I have learned in my 26 years. Teach you all the lessons from my teen years, all the heartbreak and happy times of my twenties. But I can’t teach you everything in just one letter. These years of growing pains were pivotal to my growth and development as a woman, and they will be for you too. So I have narrowed it down to two thoughts that I want you to learn young. For most of my twenties I was plagued by the thought that I always thought I needed a man to make me happy, to make me feel complete. But I’ve learned that is far, far from the truth. You are an individual. You have talents and gifts and abilities that no one else has. You have such a unique life experience, already, that is going to make you a strong fighter. You do not need anyone to complete you. You are whole and complete on your own. Now Gabby, I’m not saying that you don’t need anybody in your life. You need friends, you need loved ones, you need to learn to love others. But your worth is not dependent on whether or not you are dating someone or if you are married. Marriage is a great goal to have, don’t get me wrong. It is still one of my priorities. You should strive for marriage. But that is not the end goal. Marriage will enable you to be better in different ways than being single can, but marriage does not make you any better or less. Find what you love to do in life. Find ways to serve, have an amazing career, but don’t bank on the fact that you will one day get married. Don’t half-heartedly pursue your dreams because you are waiting for a husband to come a sweep you off your feet. I’m not saying this because of your disabilities. I would say the same thing to every girl. The Church and people in your life will make you feel like you need a husband to be “successful”, but is that what defines “success” to you? Make your own definition and stick to it! You will be so much more of an interesting person that way, that people will naturally be drawn to you (people are already naturally drawn to you; you should see what how the doctors and nurses react to you while you are sleeping. Everyone already loves you!). Secondly, you are enough. Never let anyone ever tell you that you are less than enough. Don’t let any boy ever make you feel inferior. If one boy doesn’t like you, that is okay. It doesn’t mean you are unlovable. It means that this boy is looking for something different. Different is fine. Don’t look for ways to build your self-esteem horizontally from those around you. Look vertically for your self-worth is from your Heavenly Father. That is where true happiness and self-compassion lies. We are made to be different. Accept your difference and learn to love the unique qualities that Heavenly Father gave you. Like I said, you have talents and abilities and life experiences that no one else has had. You can help and support and teach people around you. You have so much capacity for good. Know that your good is enough. If you ever feel like you aren’t enough, let the Atonement work through you. Pray to your Heavenly Father and ask that the Savior fill that gap. He will fill it. Every time. You work hard. You treat people nicely. You follow the Spirit. With that, you are enough. One last thing. I need to tell you what amazing parents you have. Through your diagnosis, birth and what little treatment you have had since your birth, your parents are the epitome of faith. They do not complain. They sacrifice for you. They restlessly sit by your bedside and hold your hand. They would give up everything for you. They are planning their life around you. You are very blessed. They are huge examples to me. Please remember that. Gabby, you have so much support around you. Please never feel alone. We don’t know how it feels to go through what you have, but we have been here throughout the entire journey with you. Let us love you, let us help you. Love you baby girl, (Your Favorite Aunt) Alex
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single.The Ability to Be Whole and Complete on My Own Archives
April 2017
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