Guys. Sometimes you can’t always be positive. Sometimes you have those weeks. I’ve been sick with a sneaky little cold this last week. Which I have tried to take some down time to get better. Which has led me to a lot of Grey’s Anatomy and Facebook. Ahhhh, Facebook (And Instagram, for that matter). Where everyone posts the good aspects of their lives. In pictures, in cute little quip-y statuses, in all the funny hashtags. To make their lives seem great. To make it out as a little more glamorous than it really is. I’m at fault of that, too. Nobody wants to read someone complaining or posting of negative things. We only want to see happy things. Fine, I get it. But it sucks to see sometimes. It does. Especially when you feel lost, and everyone else seems to have it together. When you feel lonely, and it seems everyone has 5 kids by now. When you are wondering what happened to your friends, and they all are out doing fun things without you. It’s hard not to ask yourself, what happened? Why am I where I am? I’m trying. I’m trying to be easy going. I’m trying to be flexible and go with the flow. I’m trying to become less dependent on people. I’m trying not to get attached. I’m trying to follow His Will. But His Will is big and scary and I don’t know if I want to do it. I’m trying to be vulnerable, but it is kicking me in the butt. In a faculty meeting this week, we were taught to teach our students that it is okay, even good, to fail. Yep. That’s real. Preached it in my thesis, and in my classes. Got it. Although, what does that really mean? How do I really practice it? I think that the word fail has a lot attached to it. Failing means that one falls short or doesn’t succeed at what was intended. Failing is a series of mistakes. There was a very poignant point made by the key note speaker in this faculty meeting that made an impact on me. Errors and mistakes are not failing. Okay. Fine. I guess instead of calling this “Failed at Faith,” I should call it “Learning Faith”. The key note speaker, who was an influential in my development for me as an undergrad, went on to speak about how learning and failing is a continual process. It is a journey. We can take one step forward and two steps back very quickly. He reassures us that this is the process of learning. Something we must do. So what are my series of mistakes of learning faith, aka failing at faith, teaching me? I’m imperfect. And I’m not expected to be perfect. I’m not expected to be perfect. I’m not expected to be perfect. I’m not expected to be perfect. And it’s okay. So here I am. Still being freakin’ vulnerable even though I am pouty this week and don’t want to: Everyone, I had a bad week. I wasn’t faithful. I was letting the pesky thoughts of comparison ruin my self-worth and attitude. But, next week will be better because I am learning faith. And I’m determined to take a step forward.
1 Comment
Phillip Riggs
9/11/2016 11:40:47 pm
This was the best one yet, Alex.
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