![]() Like any good Sacrament Meeting Talk, let’s start by referring to my good friends Merriam and Webster to start to break down this ‘single’ ideal. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/single) Definition Numero Uno: 1a: not married EVEN THE DICTIONARY IS OUT TO REMIND US. Definition Numero Dos: 2: unaccompanied by others: lone, sole Okay, this makes sense. Definition Numero Tres: 3. being a separate whole. Individual. Now that’s more like it. Let me explain... Definition Numero Uno: 1a: not married. First off, obviously, when a person isn’t married they are called single. That’s normal even for those not practicing in the church. Although, I thought that was interesting because that isn’t the first definition I think of when I look at the work single. Whenever a friend starts talking about another person, one of their first descriptions is to point out whether they are married or single. I even asked that question, if it isn’t implied in the first little bit. It is not asking the question that gets me. That question is valid because those that are single and those that are married live life in different ways. I thought it might be helpful to list out some of the general differences: Like I said, asking the question isn’t the hard thing for me to handle because it helps me to understand what kind of life they lead and how I can interact with them (especially if they are the opposite gender). The thing that frustrates me and makes me feel alienated is how people react to the answer of the question. The mindset that is given when someone has found their eternal companion (EC) was “Oh! Great Job! You are doing it right!”. As opposed to those that haven’t found their EC is “Oh, well one day they will. There are lots of fish in the sea!” As an example of this biased, one of my amazing, talented and successful roommates sat in the hallway after church with two friends. Yes, the three of them are ‘single’, although one was recently engaged (for which I am SO very happy because they are some of the most fun people I know and they are some of the best friends anyone can come by). The Stake President of the YSA Stake walked by and started talking with the three sitting there. The Stake President was emphatic over the fact that our one friend had recently got engaged, which was very kind of him. But he didn’t ask my roommate anything about her life, like the fact that she recently got her Realtor License and was starting a new career path. Or did he ask the third friend anything about his life. It made the two who weren’t engaged feel alienated and not as valued. The Stake President just ranted and raved over the engagement. Don’t get me wrong, our Stake President is an amazing man. Some of the talks he has given have touched my soul and changed me for the better. And I get it; it is a huge goal of the Stake President of a YSA Stake for their members to get married. But why is that the only thing we get excited about? My roommate has a lot of cool and exciting things in her life, but was completely overlooked because the Stake President was gawking over an engagement. So, all in all, Merriam-Webster were correct. Single does mean not being married, which is not the problem. The problem is how we view those that are single and those that are married. Being married does not make one person better than another. It only makes them different. Definition Numero Dos 2: unaccompanied by others : lone, sole Those that are single are mainly unaccompanied. I don’t have to check in with anyone about my daily decisions. I don’t have someone to expect me to come home at night. I don’t have anyone accompany me to family gatherings. If I do bring someone, casually, it becomes a big deal. Which is fine, but maybe sometimes not the desired outcome. But the real thought, is that I make all the decisions. I never consult anyone in what I am going to do. I have the freedom to do what I want. I have a (single) friend who always teases me with “I’m an adult; I do what I want.” This is so true. But our married friends have the opportunity to consult someone else in their decisions. Which is neither good nor bad. Just different. And sometimes I long for that companion with whom I can that can be my sounding board, share the minute details of my day to and he will listen because he cares. This is why we want marriage, or a relationship. To have your person. And to be someone’s person. I am a sole, lone person. This doesn’t mean I’m lonely (most of the time). This just means that I make decisions on my own. This just means that I come home to myself at night. And this just means I get to enjoy my family even more at social gatherings. Definition Numero Tres: 3. being a separate whole. Individual. This. This is what I believe in. Finally, in my 26 years have I am at peace with being single and here’s why. A couple of months ago I didn’t believe that I was whole. I didn’t believe that I was complete on my own. I was always looking for someone to make me complete. But that doesn’t come from someone else here on earth, but it comes from me and the enabling power of the Atonement. I reached out to my Savior for his help. I needed to change. I needed to heal. And he was the only way I could. Because I prayed, I actively changed my perception of myself and others in my situation. I change my perspective of those who have been married. We are all the same. We are all incomplete without the Atonement of Christ. No human is going to make me complete. Soooooo, how does this relate to the third definition of single? I am a woman who has a Master’s degree. I am a woman who can hold an interesting conversation. I am a woman who pays her own bills, found her own health insurance, figures out what to do when her car breaks down, makes decisions for the betterment of her own life. I set goals and accomplish them. I get jobs. I vote. I do all the same things that those that are married do, but I do them by myself (or a few friends here and there). I am a functioning, capable adult. So how does me not being married make me any less of a person? It doesn’t. I am whole and complete person, on my own. This life is a journey. Right now I am on the single journey. Someday I will be on the marriage journey. Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand the importance of marriage. I believe that marriage is the most effective way to become Christ-like. I believe that marriage can fulfill the Plan of Salvation by bringing children into this world. I believe that a spouse will help me on this journey, and I will help him too, but it is between me and my Savior that I will become whole. All in all, I am completing myself. I am becoming whole. Even though I am 1. Not Married, and 2. Lone, sole. But I am 3. individual. Being single as opposed to married is not bad, it is just different.
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single.The Ability to Be Whole and Complete on My Own Archives
April 2017
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