There are times when we think that one or two things define our entire being. Sometimes I let my master’s degree or my curly hair define me. True, these traits define a small piece about me, but not my whole self. We all fall into the habit of defining ourselves sometimes as JUST married or JUST single, right? (I know I have talked about this before, but trust me it is going somewhere). A few weeks ago, I asked the Facebook world to send me their thoughts about being single, and realizations that they had come to. (Thank you to all who sent in your thoughts! It has been much appreciated. Please keep them coming!) Sarah R. and I worked together in theatre during my undergrad work back in the day. She was kind enough to write to me from her perspective as a married woman. I appreciate her insight because I can’t understand the world completely from the side of marriage. She says: “As a single person I felt like my life was defined by my singledom. Especially as a student attending a church school, it was hard to see past the lack of the ring on my finger. However, as I prepared to graduate with my bachelor's degree, I became excited about the prospect of being single in a new city. Fortunately/unfortunately, I met my husband the last semester of college, and we had a long distance relationship for a whole year before we got married, both at age 25. Now, 4 years and two kids into marriage, I see singledom so much differently than I did when I was wading through it. I wish I would not have stressed at all about my relationship status, and instead enjoyed all the wonderful things you can do with ease when you're single; traveling with friends, staying out late, getting up and going to the gym, eating whatever and whenever I wanted, planning a trip to go see a friend, where the accommodations are sleeping on their couch… being young and single now means freedom, and endless future possibilities. I wish I could explain to my single friends and family how to get that perception of themselves. It's wonderful to have a companion in marriage, and although the relationship between a husband and a wife is obviously different than other close friendships, it isn't much different than having a roommate who you are very close to in the fact that you can travel together, or party together anytime. However if you want to do something by yourself in marriage, it is much harder to do so without potentially hurting the other's feelings, feeling selfish, etc. Traveling is more expensive, living is more expensive, and you constantly have to think about another person's feelings and desires, even when considering small details like where to eat, or what time to go to bed. And now that the children are young, it's even harder to get any time for yourself, and nearly impossible to do any traveling. Spiritual and self growth is often put on the back burner in order to make time for diaper changes, or midnight feedings. What I'm really trying to say is that The grass is often greener on the other side. When we are single, we can spend all of our time pining to be married, only to find that when we are married, we wish we could have the freedom we had when we were single. (I just want to clarify that I am very very happy in my marriage, and find so much fulfillment as a mother. But I do sometimes pine for those moments of singledom again, even just for a moment. ) I don't feel like my marriage defines me, and I don't feel like my children define me, so I don't know why I ever let my singleness define me.” Thank you Sarah.
Since I hadn’t quite made it out of my pouty “I’m very single” phase by the end of this week like I said I would in my last post, I knew I needed to change. So I turned to gratitude. Sarah, your words have helped me turn my pouty-ness into being grateful for where I am. Confession: I have been extremely jealous of my friends with babies these last couple of weeks. I just want to have my own little child that I get to take, hold, squish and love anytime I want. However, right now, like Sarah said, I get to go to bed whenever I want, travel wherever I want, do whatever I want. That is one blessing of where I am in life. There is a time and season for everything. My season of singleness just happens to be longer than others. Heavenly Father has blessed me to be in this position in life. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how long I get to be here. But it’s up to me to show the world how I will be defined. I get to decide. And I won’t be defined by my singleness. I am grateful for where I am. I am grateful for where I am.I am grateful for where I am. (Sometimes I chant things so i really start to believe it). So you decide. How are you defined? What do you want to be known for? It’s up to you.
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single.The Ability to Be Whole and Complete on My Own Archives
April 2017
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